Dear Ms.Hopkins
Why are these immigrants wrong for wanting to better their lives? The common sense behind what you have stated, is simply lacking to a high extent. I will not hesitate to say that i am extremely disgusted by the attitude that you have portrayed towards this situation. The covert comments that you have made about these innocent people are not appreciated by me or any other person that reads what you have stated, One of the comments you made: “ What we need are gunships sending these boats back to their own country” is not only suggesting that you oppose a plague of weaponry machines on these people but that you are highly singling out these people. It sounds to me as if you interpret these people as if they are a completely different breed or species, or almost as if they’re extra terrestrial for that matter.
You described these people as “feral humans” however, your behaviour is no less feral than theirs. The approach that you have towards these people is far worse than feral, and you truly should be ashamed of yourself. At this point you should be questioning yourself, and your purpose as a human being. Simply because you suggest that they get creative where they are however I don’t seem to see how you’re being creative apart from just being a harsh criticist. These people are clearly trying to make a better life for themselves and become “creative” due to the harsh conditions that they are struggling to survive in, however there’s people like you that will do all they can to hinder these people’s perseverance and consistency for a brighter future.
The statement you made: “Some of our towns are festering sores, plagued by swarms of migrants and asylum seekers, shelling out benefits like monopoly money” is not only stereotypical but far from accurate. On television when you watch reality shows overlooking residents in the UK on benefits, it’s usually the same English people that you are seeking sympathy for. However the same people that you’re complaining about, are the same people that are doing all they can to do something better with their life. So eager that they are willing to put their lives on the line to do what they have to do, but enlighten me on what your people on the television claiming benefits are doing?
February 9, 2016 at 10:01 pm
Hi Kaylan,
It’s clear you’ve improved at writing a lot since the start of the year. This was one of your original pieces and it is not nearly as good as the other two! The good thing is that you can come back to this and apply your current knowledge.
This currently sits at 22/40 (D3). To improve, please address the following issues:
1) Avoid using over expressive language. ‘Lacking to a high extent’ and ‘extremely disgusted’ are examples of this
2) Check all punctuation, spelling and grammar throughout the piece
3) You need to address some of the points regarding migration in general. Hopkins thinks migration is bad. Disprove her. Use statistics and anecdotes. You have started to do this, but there needs to be more of it.
4) Write more. You are under the word count by a hundred or so words.
Mr O’B